anonymous coward
staff writer

A mysterious, taciturn figure from out of the shadows.

We don't ask where she comes from, or what she's looking for out of life. We treat her as something of a black box. Assignments go in, articles come out, freshly typed on 30 lb. bond, still warm from the printer.

The articles are uniformly excellent. We are not sure why, but her powers of observation greatly exceed those of your humble i360 staff. Her assessments tend to be direct, brutally honest, thorough and exacting, served with a light garnish of sarcasm.

Our only serious attempt to ascertain her identity ended in the near-execution of the entire editorial staff. She takes her anonymity very seriously.

We have yet to catch her without the sunglasses. We have never seen her eat, drink, or for that matter breathe deeply. We would not even swear that she is female.

Her only known vice is an occasional DDR marathon, during which her long coat and heavy boots don't seem to slow her at all. Based on exhaustive observation, her favorite DDR song is era, with .59, never ending story, healing vision (angelic mix), and wild rush not far behind.