Cooking in a hotel room is much like cooking anywhere else, except
that the heat sources are not quite as effective. Typically, a coffeepot
and hair dryer are available. The coffeepot will boil water, while
the hair dryer can be used to defrost and heat (to a degree.)
If you can, bring a rice cooker. It will make rice, but it can
also boil water and act as a steamer.
The most important thing is preparation. Watch a few episodes of
iron chef, or the cook's scenes in nadesico. Forbid people to even
mention the name 'akane' in your presence. Put on some light music.
X-japan's 'art of life,' perhaps. 'Green bird' set to loop forever.
You do not want to concentrate fully on what you are cooking.
Start with the very basic of basics. Bring instant ramen. Anyone
who can boil water can make instant ramen. Boil the water using
the hot plate that you just pulled out of hammerspace, and put the
ramen in. Cook for two minutes, add seasoning to taste, simmer another
minute. Serve.
What? You don't have access to hammerspace? And you call yourself
an otaku. . . in that case, you can cook it in the tank of your
coffeepot. Boil it for three minutes, pour it out, add seasoning.
Make sure there is enough water in the tank at all times, and clean
the coffeemaker immediately, to keep noodles from sticking to the
heating element.
Hot dogs are a variation on this theme. They can be steamed in
the coffeemaker, as well as boiled. We recommend the hoffy dogs
that are used by Pink's in LA, as they are plump, juicy, and flavorful.
Steamed vegetables, or indeed steamed anything, are likewise possible.
Bring tea. The aroma of good tea will pervade a room and go some
way toward combatting the atmosphere of otaku in a confined space.
It requires virtually no space to store and is very difficult to
mess up. (In case you've forgotten, tea is prepared by immersing
dried tea leaves in water that has been brought to a boil, and letting
them sit for a short period. Two minutes should be more than enough.)
It is possible to make tomato soup from ketchup packets. Just thin
it out a little, heat, and slurp. You will probably want to find
some salt and pepper beforehand. It is nutritous and easy on the
stomach. The taste and smell, on the other hand, are not terribly
appealing.
With a little electronics skill and a screwdriver, you can disable
the fan in the hair dryer. Do not let the dryer run for extended
periods! The plastic will melt! However, the exposed heating element
will make toast, pop tarts, etc. wonderfully. Be careful, hair dryers
are among the most dangerous appliances in existence. If you're
trembling from starvation, you probably shouldn't even be in the
same room with one.
In case of dire emergency, make sugar syrup. It'll provide a quick
boost so that you can look for some real food. just heat water and
stir sugar in until no more will dissolve. drink warm.
By the way, avoid all artifical sweeteners. The goal is to take
in as many calories as possible. Nutrasweet and its ilk contribute
nothing and taste dreadful. The ideal sweetener is honey. Honey
goes well with anything, and never spoils. It's good for a quck
boost, or to combat the unbearable weariness that sets in around
the third day. If honey is unavailable, get sugar. Any nearby restaurant,
coffee shop, or fast-food place should have it in abundance.
Stuff to remember:
Should you be in a situation where food is unavailable, distract
yourself. Watch something really disgusting, like that scene near
the end of akira.
Bring pocky. If you've neglected to do this, buy, beg, or steal
pocky. They call it 'The Super Snack' for a reason, you know.
Instant ramen is about as nutritious as accoustic tile. (I know
that accoustic tile can be quite nutritous if prepared properly.
Nonetheless, I would not recommend a diet of tile exclusively.)
No matter how tempting, do not eat the flowers, pillow stuffing,
or blankets.
Likewise, resist eating fellow con attendees. You don't know when
they last bathed.
Share with your neighbors. This is good, as it encourages them
to share with you.
Be inventive. Some people we know make donuts at cons, rolled,
fried, and dipped in sugar and cinnamon. Their room is always filled
with grateful otaku. It's not terribly difficult, either. Talk with
the people in the hospitality room; they know what they're doing.
The moral is that there is an ecosystem, and everyone can make
a successful niche in it. Also, remember, it's usally easier to
find food at a con than it is deduce it from first principles. Try
reading this article on foraging
if cooking doesn't seem reasonable.
chris
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