[ return : true ]

all the problems of drug addiction without the highs.

being an otaku is hard; we admit that.

the list helps to remember just how tragic our lives really are. . . have fun. ^_^

[ x-suggestions-to liff@i360.com or jnishi@i360.com ]

  1. singing: we can't
  2. compared with anime chara, we can't dance either!
    . . . and we look really silly when we try.
  3. people look at you funny when you use sailor moon's trademarked line
    . . . in public
    . . . in japanese
  4. besides, no matter how hard we try, those lines never sound as cool when we say them.
  5. and if you thought the trademark pose looked silly on them. . .
  6. it is impossible to turn super-deformed ;_;
  7. malletspace does not exist.
    . . . neither does the infinite budget of all anime characters (especially the ones who claim to be broke!)
  9. it is impossible to jump 20 meters in a single bound.
  10. NO KI-BASED ATTACKS!! (itasou. . .)
  11. and no dragon slave, either!
  12. we don't regenerate when the camera cuts away.
  13. videotapes are expensive. (damn you VIZ!!!)
    . . . lds are even worse!
    . . . everything comes out first on ld!!
  14. you always feel left out when people are discussing the x-files
  15. the tragic shortage of bishounen.
  16. reality has no fan service.
  17. fan service gives us a bad image
  18. so does hook-ups.
  19. it doesn't help that it's easier to find the hentai anime in stores than all the other types.
  20. the love hexagons centered on idiots don't help our reputation any.
  21. . . . because girls do not, in reality, cluster around nerdish otaku.
  22. people just aren't built the way they are in anime!
    . . . (when shirow's characters look realistic,you've got problems.)
  23. military otaku do not look as threatening as most other military groups.
  24. merchandising otaku are so pathetic!
  25. there are no affordable manuals to becoming an otaku!!
  26. "otaku no video" is inspiring.
  27. sometimes we actually have to hear manga video's english dubbing.
  28. try telling the dmv you want a license to operate a giant mecha.
  29. for that matter, mecha cost too much!!
  30. Belldandy doesn't exist! I want my bell-chan!!!
    . . . neither does urd!
    . . . for those of you with a lolicon, neither does skuld!!
  31. that lolicon makes it difficult to relate to normal society.
  32. the existence of idol project
    . . . the existence of aika.
    . . . the existence of pokemon.
    . . . even worse, the existence of the power rangers.
  33. There are no dramatic gusts of wind when you need them.
  34. The lights do not dim for those dramatic moments either.
  35. and cherry blossoms don't bloom year-round for romantic scenes.
  36. no cute fangs!
  37. bosozoku clothing is really silly.
  38. we just can't set our beeper's vibrator high enough. . . no buruccha.
  39. by snack standards, pocky is really expensive.
    . . . so is all japanese food!
    . . . heaven help you if you want your favorite character's favorite meal.
    . . . and you're beyond divine help if your favorite character's lina.
  40. you can't put away enough food to feed at least three small nations in one sitting
  41. time doesn't stop so that you can make dramatic speeches.
  42. our eyes don't glow, even when we're really annoyed.
    . . . or when we're being really evil. . .
  43. there are no fuzzy little kawaiko handing out magical powers left and right in the real world.
  44. got mokona?
  45. that 'patented anime eye-twitch syndrome' doesn't work for us at all. . .
  46. our heads do not grow to threatening sizes when we really want someone to do something.
  47. scanning the lists of otaku symptoms for things to do is a bad thing.
  48. when we facefault, it really hurts!
  49. our spaceships will never, ever, be as cool as the swordbreaker.
  50. nor can we ever hope to own a '67 Shelby Cobra GT 500.
  51. when they say the world will end in 1999, it happens. when we say the world will end in 1999. . .